Intentional Sex?

For many people this definition isn’t exactly what they would consider passionate or romantic. Yet, we believe there is a certain appeal to intentional sex. Here are three quick reasons why it might be beneficial to be more intentional about sex in your marriage.

1. You just may find yourself having more sex.

One of the biggest libido zappers and road blocks to a satisfying sex life is being overwhelmed, tired and stressed out. Plopping into bed with only the thought of sleep is pretty common. Perhaps sex is on the mind of one spouse but the other is just too tired and wants a rain check….regularly. Being intentional about sex (read: not legalistic) can benefit the overworked and over tired couple.

If you intend to connect with your spouse in the evening you can choose to think about it all day. You can practice mindfulness in how you use your energy, choosing to save some for the bedroom. Intending to have sex at the end of the day can be a good incentive and can be considered a reward.

2. You may find yourself more present during sex.

Preparing your mind and schedule for sex can serve to help clear your mind in order to help you be more present during sex. You’ve already thought through the pressing daily activities, you’ve made it through your day and you know what to expect tonight. If you find it helpful, spend time in conversation with your spouse to release the remnant stray thoughts but if you’ve spent your day thinking about and preparing for sex, chances are there are less mental worries pressuring your mind.

3. Having sex more regularly with a greater sense of presence can produce a positive sexual cycle.

You’ve intentionally made time for sex. You’ve cleared your mind and schedule to connect. You’ve made an effort to be more aware and present during sex. Chances are, if you’ve done these things sex was more fulfilling and satisfying. The more fulfilling and satisfying sex is the more you may want it. Keeping the positive cycle going because of intention, sounds like a good idea.

“…if we’re not intentional about pursuing God’s best for our marriages, and grasping the tremendous role intimacy plays in that relationship, what was intended to be deeply enjoyed – a passionate, life giving love affair…alight with laughter, fiercely protected, and drenched in freedom – becomes a stuffy, awkward thing to be endured.” ~ Joy McMillan

4 thoughts on “Intentional Sex?

  1. My wife and I have “intentional sex” twice a day, every day – no kidding. Actually, we go to bed naked, and at a bare minimum, regardless of how tired we may be, hold each other and kiss and stuff. Probably about 80% of the time this turns into full-blown sex, even though one or both of us had felt we just weren’t up to it. In the morning, I get up a little early, get coffee, feed the dogs, wash my face, brush my teeth, prep for breakfast, then jump back into bed naked and and “wake her up” in various ways. Again, about 80% of the time we wind up having sex then, too. It’s not that we “plan to have sex tonight”, it’s just part of our routine, and we both love it. We have sex a LOT more often than if we only did it when we “felt like it”, or made specific plans to. In addition, on occasion, we’ll wind up having sex mid-morning or afternoon, so sometimes it’s 3 times a day. Now, I must qualify this by saying sex usually does not end in orgasm, but we don’t usually want it to end that way (for me, anyway – I do wish I could get her off every time, but that’s easier said than done…). We’ve been married 32 years, but have been doing this routine for a little over two years now, and it just gets better all the time.

  2. Intentionality is so important to keep passion burning between a husband and wife. This is a great way to stoke the fire and fan the flame. Great date idea too!

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