Melanie: “Ethan, we’re at the dinner table. Can’t you check your messages later?”
Ethan: “Something happened at work today. Something that…well, you don’t need to hear the whole story. It’s just that…”
Melanie: “It’s just that – or this – or that – or this. It’s always something! C’mon, I need you to plug into me. Into the kids. We need to be a family.”
Ethan: “OK, OK. I’ll turn it off.”
*10 minutes after dinner*
Melanie: “I thought you turned your phone OFF.”
Ethan: “Well, I did. It’s just that…”
Melanie: “Do I really need to repeat what I said earlier? It’s always something! What are you more interested in? Me…our family? Or your job?
Ethan: “That’s not a fair question. Of course I’m more interested in you.”
Melanie: “Then show me. Turn it off. Keep it off. And focus on us.”
Ethan: “It’s just so hard. I don’t even know how to plug into the kids these days. I use all this energy at work all day, and I’m just so exhausted when I come home. I don’t really know that I have the energy to plug in the way you want me to.”
Melanie: “Please understand that I don’t WANT you to. I NEED you to. We need you to. Your interest in your work is slowly destroying this family. And we both know our marriage isn’t where either or us really want it to be. C’mon, let’s both help the kids with their homework and get them into bed. Then maybe we can spend some ‘quality time’ together.”
Ethan reluctantly agrees. But throughout the evening it’s obvious that he’s mentally fixated elsewhere. After the kids get tucked in, Melanie hands him his phone and goes to bed alone. Again.
Some women say they want financial security. But that’s not really true. A good paycheck can still lead to a bad marriage. What a woman really wants is a man who is completely and utterly into her. A man who will be interested in her on a regular basis. A man who is more passionate about her than anything else.
More than work.
More than sports.
More than video games.
More than his phone or ipad.
A man such as this will continually win the heart of his wife. A man such as this will give up his desires for the desires of his wife. A man such as this will give her what she really needs, emotional security. A man such as this will, in time, help usher sexual freedom into the bedroom.
And we’re going to let you in on a little secret. Men want the same thing. A man wants a woman who is completely into him. A woman who thinks and speaks positively of him on a regular basis. A woman who respects him. A woman who is more passionate about him than any other interest or hobby.
More than Pinterest.
More than Blogging.
More than her Mommy group.
More than the kids.
A woman such as this will win over her husband more than anything else that may distract him. A woman such as this will make a man excited to leave work and come home on his lunch break. A woman such as this…one who gives up so much of herself for the sake of her husband…surely she’ll offer her everything in the bedroom, too, right?
Sexual freedom may be found behind closed doors. But in most cases, serious changes need to be made. One of those changes has to do with your interests and desires. Or perhaps we could call it your ‘passion’. Is your spouse your truest passion in life? Or are you more passionate about other things?
In our first post of this series, we challenged you to answer a series of statements on a level of “Good”, “Better”, or “Best”. We’d like you to consider doing the same for this one. Think about your interests. Think about your passions. Think about your spouse. And answer the following statements honestly.
- I do a _______ job of having only 1-2 interests outside of my spouse and family.
- I do a _______ job of allowing my interests and hobbies to keep me away from my family as little as possible.
- I do a _______ job of plugging into my family when I am at home.
- I do a _______ job of turning off ALL electronic devices (TV, X-box, ipad, phone, laptop) when my spouse asks me to.
- I do a _______ job of giving my spouse emotional security.
- I do a _______ job of respecting my spouse in all situations.
- I do a _______ job focusing as much or more energy on my spouse than our children.
- I do a _______ job of making my spouse passionate about me.
Now, here’s the challenge for this post. After you take the time to answer the above statements, allow your spouse to answer them as well — for you! Give him or her the opportunity to honestly communicate how well you do in these areas.
You may learn you’re more passionate about other things than you thought.
You may learn you have more to work on than you hoped.
You may learn you judge yourself too hard and you’re doing great!
You may learn your spouse wants to physically express what they’re passionate about!
You may learn this will require more conversation than you thought..
You may learn that it was worth it.
…Because you may take another step toward freedom.
This is Part 2 in our series on Five Hindrances of Sexual Freedom in Marriage. Additional posts in the series can be found at the links below. And stay tuned for our next series: Five Ways to Sustain Sexual Freedom in Marriage.