Have you ever felt unmotivated? Maybe you’ve procrastinated on a project or chore? Perhaps you’ve begun a new diet or workout routine but lacked proper motivation to see it through?
Motivation, or lack there of, will likely impact every area of our lives at some point or another – including our sex lives! Even couples who have what they would consider a very healthy sex life will occasionally encounter seasons where motivation to sexually engage is lacking. Today we want to share just a few ideas that may serve to inspire sexual motivations.
1. Sex has health benefits.
The health benefits for sex are numerous. Some of these benefits include: better sleep, stress relief, pain relief, boosts immunity, and improved self image. Stressed at work? Sex can help. Need more exercise? Sex can help. Don’t like what you see in the mirror? Sex can help! And don’t forget, having a headache is more of a reason TO jump in the sack than refrain from it. These benefits are very real and they are just the tip of the iceberg as to how sex can better benefit your health.
2. Sex has emotional and relational benefits.
Closeness and connection are two incredibly powerful motivating factors for sex. Sexual release has a built in mechanism (oxytocin) that bonds and draws you to one another. Want to rekindle and connect? Sex can be both the starting and ending point of a healthy emotional cycle.
The relational connection of sex can work two ways; 1. It forces you to deal with whatever might be hindering your relationship. By this we mean, when there are sexual problems in marriage, they are often related to relationship concerns. Symptoms may include a perceived lack of respect for one another, a belief that work/school/kids is more important to your spouse than you are, and so on. So, if your sex life isn’t quite what you want it to be, pinpoint the reason(s) why, agree to improve your relationship in these areas, and then regularly cement your agreement in the bedroom. This final part is an important aspect of emotional and relational benefits of sex because, 2. It increases your overall desire to be with your spouse. And the greater your desire to be with him/her, the greater your desire to re-connect, and the greater your relational and emotional benefits will continue. Your improving relationship will be a motivation for great sex, and your great sex life will be a motivation for a stronger relationship. It’s truly a win-win!
3. Sex helps the mundane become interesting.
Most days start and end the same with a bunch of sameness in the middle. Sex can break up the monotony of routines. Why not have sex before breakfast or dinner? Maybe somewhere other than the bedroom? How about a middle of the night romp or a fully clothed make out session? Perhaps you can include some music. Or candles. Ladies, when’s the last time you included a 10 minute (or even 5) strip-tease? Men, when is the last time you offered your wife a long-lasting massage? If motivation is lacking because your sex life has fallen into a rut, change it up.
4. Sex is fun and pleasurable.
If you don’t believe your sex life is all that great, we would strongly encourage you to keep working on it. Keep open communication with your spouse, try numerous positions, and even lotions if need be. DON’T think that your spouse should ‘just know’ what to do and what feels good. Sometimes you have to tell him/her and you have to be very specific. Sex isn’t always automatic. Diligently working on making sex great are the keys that lead to making sex fun and pleasurable. The more you communicate exactly what feels good and what doesn’t, the better lover your spouse will become.
In the end, that fun and pleasure can provide enough motivation to keep coming back for more. While your favorite TV show or page turning novel may seem a more tempting option than sex on occasion, the fun and pleasure received from sex won’t disappoint.
5. Sex is giving and receiving.
Sex isn’t only about the pleasure you’ll receive, it’s about the pleasure you’re able to provide for your spouse as well. Achieving orgasm is one thing, but doing everything you can to please your spouse is another. Sure, any man can orgasm. But a real man will provide for her needs first, touching, caressing, kissing, grabbing, licking, thrusting and using words in a way that will bring HER to sexual ecstasy. A man who brings his wife to climax (sometimes multiple times in one encounter) will feel better after the experience than a man who orgasms without seeing his wife experience that same pleasure. Likewise, a woman who has just climaxed is doing her husband a disservice if she just lays there. Maybe he wants certain touches, caresses, grabs, licks, thrusts, and sounds too! Make it as passionate as possible for him!
If you’re really up for a challenge, try pleasing one another in such a way that you experience orgasm simultaneously. This will force you to work with another, finding just the right motion to be mutually satisfied. You’ll both be reveling in the beauty of one another simultaneously. That is truly giving and receiving all at the same time.
6. Pray for some “want to”.
We know, we know…the idea to pray about your sex life totally weirds some people out. But if God mentions marriage as the one relationship that most closely resembles his relationship with us, and sex is the most intimate aspect of marriage, then we would do well to pray for our sex lives! You see, God cares about every area of your life. That includes your health, your marriage, and your sex life. And since God created all of the above, He is not ashamed or embarrassed by anything we mention to Him in prayer. So, if you want a better sex life or need some motivation to pursue sexual intimacy, pray. Just be prepared for Him to answer.