Sexual Motivations

Have you ever felt unmotivated? Maybe you’ve procrastinated on a project or chore? Perhaps you’ve begun a new diet or workout routine but lacked proper motivation to see it through?

Motivation, or lack there of, will likely impact every area of our lives at some point or another – including our sex lives! Even couples who have what they would consider a very healthy sex life will occasionally encounter seasons where motivation to sexually engage is lacking.  Today we want to share just a few ideas that may serve to inspire sexual motivations.

1. Sex has health benefits.

The health benefits for sex are numerous.  Some of these benefits include: better sleep, stress relief, pain relief, boosts immunity, and improved self image.  Stressed at work?  Sex can help.  Need more exercise?  Sex can help.  Don’t like what you see in the mirror?  Sex can help!  And don’t forget, having a headache is more of a reason TO jump in the sack than refrain from it.  These benefits are very real and they are just the tip of the iceberg as to how sex can better benefit your health.

2. Sex has emotional and relational benefits.

Closeness and connection are two incredibly powerful motivating factors for sex. Sexual release has a built in mechanism (oxytocin) that bonds and draws you to one another. Want to rekindle and connect? Sex can be both the starting and ending point of  a healthy emotional cycle.

The relational connection of sex can work two ways;  1. It forces you to deal with whatever might be hindering your relationship. By this we mean, when there are sexual problems in marriage, they are often related to relationship concerns.  Symptoms may include a perceived lack of respect for one another, a belief that work/school/kids is more important to your spouse than you are, and so on.  So, if your sex life isn’t quite what you want it to be, pinpoint the reason(s) why, agree to improve your relationship in these areas, and then regularly cement your agreement in the bedroom.  This final part is an important aspect of emotional and relational benefits of sex because, 2. It increases your overall desire to be with your spouse.  And the greater your desire to be with him/her, the greater your desire to re-connect, and the greater your relational and emotional benefits will continue.  Your improving relationship will be a motivation for great sex, and your great sex life will be a motivation for a stronger relationship.  It’s truly a win-win!

3. Sex helps the mundane become interesting.

Most days start and end the same with a bunch of sameness in the middle. Sex can break up the monotony of routines. Why not have sex before breakfast or dinner?  Maybe somewhere other than the bedroom?  How about a middle of the night romp or a fully clothed make out session? Perhaps you can include some music.  Or candles.  Ladies, when’s the last time you included a 10 minute (or even 5) strip-tease?  Men, when is the last time you offered your wife a long-lasting massage?  If motivation is lacking because your sex life has fallen into a rut, change it up.

4. Sex is fun and pleasurable.

If you don’t believe your sex life is all that great, we would strongly encourage you to keep working on it. Keep open communication with your spouse, try numerous positions, and even lotions if need be.  DON’T think that your spouse should ‘just know’ what to do and what feels good.  Sometimes you have to tell him/her and you have to be very specific.  Sex isn’t always automatic.  Diligently working on making sex great are the keys that lead to making sex fun and pleasurable.  The more you communicate exactly what feels good and what doesn’t, the better lover your spouse will become.

In the end, that fun and pleasure can provide enough motivation to keep coming back for more.  While your favorite TV show or page turning novel may seem a more tempting option than sex on occasion, the fun and pleasure received from sex won’t disappoint.

5. Sex is giving and receiving.

Sex isn’t only about the pleasure you’ll receive, it’s about the pleasure you’re able to provide for your spouse as well.  Achieving orgasm is one thing, but doing everything you can to please your spouse is another.  Sure, any man can orgasm.  But a real man will provide for her needs first, touching, caressing, kissing, grabbing, licking, thrusting and using words in a way that will bring HER to sexual ecstasy.  A man who brings his wife to climax (sometimes multiple times in one encounter) will feel better after the experience than a man who orgasms without seeing his wife experience that same pleasure.  Likewise, a woman who has just climaxed is doing her husband a disservice if she just lays there.  Maybe he wants certain touches, caresses, grabs, licks, thrusts, and sounds too!  Make it as passionate as possible for him!

If you’re really up for a challenge, try pleasing one another in such a way that you experience orgasm simultaneously.  This will force you to work with another, finding just the right motion to be mutually satisfied.  You’ll both be reveling in the beauty of one another simultaneously.  That is truly giving and receiving all at the same time.

6. Pray for some “want to”.

We know, we know…the idea to pray about your sex life totally weirds some people out.  But if God mentions marriage as the one relationship that most closely resembles his relationship with us, and sex is the most intimate aspect of marriage, then we would do well to pray for our sex lives!  You see, God cares about every area of your life.  That includes your health, your marriage, and your sex life. And since God created all of the above,  He is not ashamed or embarrassed by anything we mention to Him in prayer.  So, if you want a better sex life or need some motivation to pursue sexual intimacy, pray.  Just be prepared for Him to answer.

Linking with: To Love Honor and Vacuum, Messy Marriage, Happy Wives Club

12 thoughts on “Sexual Motivations

  1. This was a great post, lots of superb suggestions! In regard to #5 I have found that the getting comes through the giving. My multiple orgasms always come when my focus is not on myself but on my husband.

  2. Great message. It is important to keep intimacy alive in marriage. Stopping by from Wedded Wednesdays and glad I did. Kim

  3. Such great wisdom here! I especially like #5 and #6. I’ve especially seen how God has used prayer not only in my life but in the lives of others I’ve worked with in my church and counseling practice. In fact, I have a marriage prayer group with several women and sex is the number one area they ask for prayer in hands down! It’s a much needed area of focus in all the areas you mentioned. Thanks so much for linking this with Wedded Wed too. 🙂

  4. Pingback: Saturday LinkUp: Pinterest Marriage Party and More! | To Love, Honor and Vacuum

  5. This is excellent. My husband noticed the title of this post and asked “What are you reading?!?” I told him, and he replied, “Oh, good, read on.” 🙂 🙂 Our sex life is amazing, but sometimes I definitely need the reminder (for example, it has been a while since I did a strip tease for him). And the more motivated we both are, the happier we are and the better we feel. I’ve definitely noticed a positive cycle: the happier our marriage is, the more we have sex; and the more we have sex, the happier our marriage is. Of course, the opposite can be true too, but once you get on that positive cycle (just have sex whether you feel like it or not!), it will gain momentum and things will keep getting better!

    Thank you for your ministry! 🙂

  6. I have had 2 affairs in my 6 year marriage and although they were over 3 years ago, sex just hasn’t returned and my hubby is very frustrated with me as he is sexually starved by me. What’s wrong with me??? God has blessed me with a committed man who loves me and I’m hurting him and my marriage by not meeting his sexual needs.

    Please help
    Kellie

    • Hi Kellie,

      Some advice we can offer is to think about your spouse regularly. How can you please him (sexually and non-sexually). Specifically, when it comes to the subject of sex, remember that your brain if your biggest sexual organ…be sure to use it to your advantage.

      Also, given your past, it may not be a bad idea to seek some pastoral or other Christian counseling. They will be able to help get to root cause of why your husband is feeling sexually starved by you.

      We’re not going to pretend and say this this is a “simple” solution. It’s not. It’s going to take some serious work to be sure that this area – and every area – of your marriage is as strong as possible. Be persistent. Get help if need be. And once your marriage gets better than it already is, your sex life will begin to improve as well. Hope this helps!
      Justin & Megan

  7. Great points! This only means that sexual intimacy in a marriage context is really important! 🙂
    Enjoy every bit of it with your spouse..Totally agree… it’s fun and pleasurable!

    Visiting you from the Happy Wives Club Link Up.

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