Insecurity and the need to be “sure”

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.  “Pooh!” he whispered.  “Yes, Piglet?”  “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw.  “I just wanted to be sure of you.”  ~A.A. Milne

Have you ever felt that way? Had a desire that you just want to be “sure” of your spouse? Maybe you have felt that way after a betrayal.  Maybe you need that “sure” feeling in the midst of a very stressful season that has brought on some form of insecurity.  Doubt and insecurity can find their way into the cracks and crevices of even the strongest of marriage relationships.  Times of stress, discontent, unaddressed conflict and unhealed pain enhance the fact that we all need assurance from time to time that our spouse is for us and with us in this life. That we are facing all of life’s challenges and troubles…together.

Here are a few things to be aware of when the need for assurance and security arise in your life or the life of your spouse.

Proximity matters. It goes without saying that spending time together in all types of settings increases security, in being “sure” of your spouse. If it’s been awhile since you have spent quality time with your spouse, make a plan to do that soon.

Honesty matters. If you are feeling insecure speak to your spouse about it.  If we fail to speak up about what is going on we fail to give our spouse the opportunity to quell our fears.  Allowing our spouse to speak truth into our fears and misgivings is one of the greatest benefits of marriage. If your spouse is the one struggling, take time to speak encouraging words into their life. Develop a positive word culture in your marriage and consciously choose to build up your spouse.

Growth matters. We all pass through different seasons of life.  Fearing change or trying to control everything chokes out the ability to grow.  Observing times in our lives in which we are entering a new season or that our spouse is entering a new season can help us learn how to make our marriage stronger. Make the choice to grow through open communication and support from outside friendships and resources.

Intimacy matters. Don’t let emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy take a back seat to a busy or disordered life.  Make time to connect and reap the benefits of feeling closer, feeling fulfilled, feeling satisfied. While initially it may mean making a decision of the will to connect intimately, following through can actually increase the desire to connect over and over again.

Walking through life together is what marriage is all about. During the ups and the downs. The unknown and the difficult. Marriage is a blessing that can and does give us the ability to face all of life with a certain level of security and assurance that we are not alone. Today, think about the ways that you and your spouse can help each other be “sure” of your relationship.

Linking with: Happy Wives Club, Messy Marriage,Women Living Well, To Love Honor and Vacuum

4 thoughts on “Insecurity and the need to be “sure”

  1. Yes! Walking through life together is what marriage is all about. It is so wonderful to know I have someone by my side who not only loves and adores me but has also purposed to help me grow into the woman I was called to be. And we have “teamwork” down to a science; pursuing all our goals as partners not competitors.

  2. That is the cutest quote ever!! But you’re right – walking through life together is so important in a marriage. Sometimes I think we run through life together [because we’re too busy], and sometimes we crawl through life [we are taking baby steps], and sometimes we’re at a standstill [we’re not growing together- but we really need to be walking together – side by side, hand in hand, living together, working together, playing together, learning together, being intimate together, and just being together, supporting, loving, honoring, and respecting one another unconditionally.

  3. Leave it to the great philosopher, Piglet, to put to words what is in all of our hearts. 🙂 Thanks for sharing that precious quote and for these many wise words of your own, Megan. I agree with and love all that you say here, especially your last point about walking through life together. I truly believe that is one of the mysteries of marriage that God has designed for each one of us to discover as we walk through the storms of our lives with our mates by our sides–trusting the One who can lead us and redeem us. Thanks for this poignant reminder to help our spouse’s “be sure” of our love and commitment to them. I love it!

  4. Pingback: BHE Link-Up Party Coming Soon! & 6 Good Clicks for Your Weekend | Becoming His Eve

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