Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh!” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.” ~A.A. Milne
Have you ever felt that way? Had a desire that you just want to be “sure” of your spouse? Maybe you have felt that way after a betrayal. Maybe you need that “sure” feeling in the midst of a very stressful season that has brought on some form of insecurity. Doubt and insecurity can find their way into the cracks and crevices of even the strongest of marriage relationships. Times of stress, discontent, unaddressed conflict and unhealed pain enhance the fact that we all need assurance from time to time that our spouse is for us and with us in this life. That we are facing all of life’s challenges and troubles…together.
Here are a few things to be aware of when the need for assurance and security arise in your life or the life of your spouse.
Proximity matters. It goes without saying that spending time together in all types of settings increases security, in being “sure” of your spouse. If it’s been awhile since you have spent quality time with your spouse, make a plan to do that soon.
Honesty matters. If you are feeling insecure speak to your spouse about it. If we fail to speak up about what is going on we fail to give our spouse the opportunity to quell our fears. Allowing our spouse to speak truth into our fears and misgivings is one of the greatest benefits of marriage. If your spouse is the one struggling, take time to speak encouraging words into their life. Develop a positive word culture in your marriage and consciously choose to build up your spouse.
Growth matters. We all pass through different seasons of life. Fearing change or trying to control everything chokes out the ability to grow. Observing times in our lives in which we are entering a new season or that our spouse is entering a new season can help us learn how to make our marriage stronger. Make the choice to grow through open communication and support from outside friendships and resources.
Intimacy matters. Don’t let emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy take a back seat to a busy or disordered life. Make time to connect and reap the benefits of feeling closer, feeling fulfilled, feeling satisfied. While initially it may mean making a decision of the will to connect intimately, following through can actually increase the desire to connect over and over again.
Walking through life together is what marriage is all about. During the ups and the downs. The unknown and the difficult. Marriage is a blessing that can and does give us the ability to face all of life with a certain level of security and assurance that we are not alone. Today, think about the ways that you and your spouse can help each other be “sure” of your relationship.