Great Sex. It’s something every married couple wants. As a solution, maybe you’ve thought about spicing up your sex life to make the Holidays extra special. Maybe you want to start off the new year with a bedroom bang. That’s great! Making sex memorable, romantic and fun is a fine idea but it’s important to remember that sex is not just a one time event saved for special events or Holidays. Sex is an integral part of marriage for both partners. It’s not simply a gimmick or a reward. It’s a response. A response that says, “I want to be completely connected. Completely immersed. Completely free.”
Today we want to share three gifts you can be sure to include for one another this Christmas Season. These gifts won’t just give you some happy moments, but they’ll help you have a sex happy marriage.
1. The gift of knowledge.
No, we are not suggesting a refresher course in 7th grade health. What we are suggesting is that you take time to really understand sex. Sexual intimacy in marriage is far more than simply understanding how body parts connect. It’s also about the emotional, mental and spiritual connection. If you want to have a great married sex life then take time to really think through what might be missing from yours. There are a number of great resources to help you get to know more about sex. Here are just a few.
- The Marriage Bed – This web sight has a ton of information about sex, spirituality and marriage. There is incredible depth and thought that has gone into the sight and we happen to respect and admire the wonderful people who run it. Thanks Paul and Lori for breaking the mold and giving Christian couples solid information about Godly Sexuality!
- Shelia Gregoire recently released 31 Days to Great Sex which is a wonderfully written e-book that can help you begin the journey to better understanding the many different facets of sex. The book is easily readable, written to both husbands and wives and includes challenges that couples can work through together. A full review is coming at a later time but trust us, this is a great resource that’s worth every penny.
- The Stupendous Marriage Show – If you are auditory learner this is the resource for you! This is a great marriage podcast covering a wide number of topics, including sex.
- The Bible – We know, the Bible isn’t most people’s go-to when they think about sex, but God has a lot to say about the subject. To truly understand sex on the spiritual level you need to understand what God has to say about it.
2. The gift of communication.
An overwhelming majority of couples don’t talk openly or positively about sex. Break the mold and be the change your marriage needs in this area. Make the choice to start talking about sex with your spouse. If this is completely new territory for your marriage here are a few things to keep in mind.
- Approach conversation with a positive attitude. Talking about your sex life with your spouse may be a bit uncomfortable, so tell your spouse you want to discuss how to make your sex life better. Choose a neutral time and location that helps both of you feel comfortable.
- Approach conversation with humility. Admit that you want your marriage and sex life to be better but do it from a standpoint of humility rather than judgement, condemnation or blame. Don’t give the conversation opportunity to turn into a fight due to focusing too much on current problems. Rather, focus on what both of you can do to overcome the obstacles together.
- Approach the conversation with a desire for oneness. Check your attitude to make sure you truly desire the best for your spouse and your marriage not just your personal desires. If the approach to the conversation is from a purely selfish place then it is manipulative and will not build a stronger relationship.
3. The gift of time.
You can’t have a sex happy marriage if you don’t make time for it. Making or keeping sex a priority is a huge struggle for most married couples. When life gets hectic, busy and chaotic, somethings gotta give and often times it’s a couples sex life. Don’t let that be true of your marriage! Figure out what distracts you from spending more intimate time together and come up with solutions on how to change or eliminate those distractions. Sex is a wonderful reprieve from a oftentimes difficult life. Value the connection, oneness and plain ole’ fun sex was created to bring to marriage. And remember, you only have time for what you make time for. Make time for sex. Chances are, you’ll be glad you did. Every single time.
1. What do you think most prevents others from having a sex happy marriage?
2. Which of the above resources would you AND your spouse most likely read or listen to together?
3. Discuss with your spouse: Do we currently have a sex happy marriage? If not, what steps can we take to get there this year? Month? Week? Right now?
Linking with: To Love Honor and Vaccum