I (Justin) have read many of the same marriage blogs and books that Megan reads. And after reading through some of these sex positive voices posts I could only think, “Why is it that only women can write their top 10 list as to why they choose to have a sex positive voice? Is this not an area men can freely and openly speak out on as well?” So I wanted to offer my reply and share ten reasons why I, too openly talk about sex within the marriage relationship.
1. Sex is way better than the entertainment industry makes it out to be. I mean seriously, the music and entertainment business thrives year after year on the “sex sells” mantra. And they’re right, it does sell. A lot. Prior to marriage, I was immersed in this culture as any high-school and college student of the day could be. But I now know that while sex does sell, the sales aspect of sex advocates only that of a physical release. There’s a spiritual and emotional aspect of sex that is just as deep for men as it is for women. Sure, sex does bring a physical release. But the emotional and spiritual side of sex makes it far more glorious than a degraded woman in an advertisement could ever make it sound.
2. Sex helps bring me back to reality. I work pretty hard throughout the day and my mind is often pulled in dozens of different directions. I’ve got people to contact, volunteer schedules to fill, and weekly deadlines that can’t ever be postponed — as we say in the pastor’s world, “Sunday’s comin’.” So, I sometimes find myself working from home, or just trying to escape the realities of life. But sex isn’t an escape. It brings me back to the reality of knowing I have a loving, faithful wife. A wife who helps me see the demands of reality, but acknowledge that those demands are not nearly as important as we are to one another.
3. Sex helps me sleep. This is a common physiological response in men more often than in women, but when feeling emotionally wired and unable to rest, sex helps to not only bring me back to reality, but to relax and know that tomorrow is a new day, and that this day will go out on high note.
4. Sex brings children. Don’t get me wrong, sex is good. Real good. But for those who have children, having sex with the intent of having children is different. You’re bringing two bodies together with the sole purpose of bringing new life into the world. Connecting in this way can only be described as magical. As mentioned above, this is far from physical. It’s truly an emotional and spiritual moment that cannot be described in words.
5. Sex reminds me that life isn’t all about me. Megan mentioned this on her list as well, but I must agree with it. As a husband, I’m going to pleased in the bedroom. So my primary desire isn’t all about me, but about whether or not I can please my wife as well. To be honest, I’m thrilled to know I have a wife who doesn’t “fake it”. Knowing that I have the ability to serve my wife in that way makes the experience much better than if I were in it only for my own satisfaction.
6. Sex is better than any book on marriage/intimacy. I’ve read numerous books on marriage and sex. The “this formula will improve your marriage”. The “try new positions”. The “forgive yourself for your past.” And truth be told, I’ll continue reading more on the subject as well. But there’s something about the act of sex itself that just can’t be written down in words. At the end of the day, the formulas may or may not work. The communication could be better. But sex provides something that no poet, screenwriter, or storyteller could ever communicate.
7. Sex is better than video games. OK, there…I said it. I still play video games. Not like some other guys do, but on occasion I’ll still pick up a controller and take on the bad guys. Those who play video games know that there’s often a pattern. It’s not necessarily what needs to be done, as the objectives are clear. The programmers have written in some kind of “this is how it has to be done” formula”. Once you’ve figured it out, you’ll get through that level. Well, in an appropriate marriage relationship, sex has no step-by-step pattern. In fact, it changes every time. Sure, there is one primary objective, but how you get there will change. So I’m constantly able to study my wife, and always respond differently depending on the circumstances. And unlike a video game, I’ve never gotten killed in the process.
8. Sex is better than sports. I know, I know…two “sex is better than ______” points in a row. But hey, it’s true, sex is better than sports. As a football and hockey fan, you’re constantly waiting for your team to score, but you never know if they will or not. Well in a great marriage, you know you’re going to score. And it’s kind of fun to think about how high a score you can run up.
9. Sex reminds me of vacation. Ever have that perfect vacation? I have. For me, vacation isn’t run-run-run, it’s rest-rest-rest. A while back I had the best vacation I’ve had in years, a trip to a secluded beach. Every family at this location was able to have their own private beach area 50 yards or more away from anybody else. It was fantastic. It was restful. It was sexy. Sexy? Yeah, sexy. Megan and I got a lot of “personal time” on vacation and even though we were there as a family, it was a great week for our marriage. As I mentioned above, sex is a great reminder of what’s important – my wife and my family. Just as a good vacation brings us closer together, sex does the same.
10. Sex is a reminder of the gospel. People may think this is strange, and to be honest, it kind of sounds strange. But in Ephesians 5 Paul likens the marriage relationship to that of the relationship between Jesus and His church. Is there any closer a husband and wife can be than during sexual intercourse? No, there’s not. So, sex is the ultimate reminder of how much God loves us, and how wonderful it is to be in that kind of relationship with Him. And I believe having that reminder more often than not is best.