Exciting, passionate, exhilarating, satisfying, fun. These are words which every married couple wants to use to define their sex lives. Often times though other words get in the way; exhausted, boring, busy, frustration, conflict. When the second of these lists becomes the norm it’s time to think about sex outside the bedroom. Although a quickie in the shower or a romp in the living room may fit the bill this post is not about logistics of where but rather the preparation. How you think about sex throughout the day can actually assist or inhibit your sex life.
Thoughts concerning sex are formed over many years of information; some good, some bad. What happens in marriage then is that as husbands and wives we often have a very different understanding of what sex is or can be. Having brought our own experiences, perceptions and expectations into marriage often causes sex to become a breeding ground for arguments and fights. When discussions about sex lead to fights and disagreements it is most likely due to differing views about the purpose of sex. Here are some ideas to get you thinking about sex outside the bedroom.
1. What is the purpose of sex? What does God have to say about sex? Taking time to evaluate, study and understand the purposes for which sex was designed will change your life. Honestly, we believe that if we understood all the purposes and blessings God designed sex to fulfill in our marriages we would never want to miss out. Read, study, pray, seek out the answers using God’s word as a guide. Though silence or negative thoughts have been pervasive in much of Christianity, God is not silent about sex and in fact has a great deal to say about the subject.
2. What inhibitions do I have and why do I have them? A lot of inhibitions are based on the way we were raised or our past sexual experiences. When either of those are negative it clouds our understanding about how free and exciting sex can be. Take time to evaluate how your family of origin thought about sex. Now take time to look at the difference between that and what you discovered when answering question # 1 (God’s purposes for sex). If you have past experiences with sex that have left you clouded in your understanding, take all the more time to study and understand what God says about sex then believe it!
3. What small changes can I make to apply my new understanding of the purposes of sex to my marriage? The great thing about sex is that the shift from bad sex to great sex is often found first in the mind. Learning to control the way you think about sex outside the bedroom greatly increases your ability to enjoy what happens inside the bedroom.
Linking with: The Alabaster Jar Marriage Monday