Megan and I were both band geeks when we were in high school. The good thing about being in the band is that if rehearsal started at 6pm, you had to be there, have your instrument out, and be ready to rehearse at 6m. This engrained something into both of us – show up 15 minutes early. Even after years of marriage, it’s rare that we’re late to anything. In fact, we’re usually the first one’s to arrive. (We’re often the first one’s to leave, too…but that’s for a different reason.) *wink*
One area of disagreement we do have, however, is the thermostat. I mean seriously, is there another married couple anywhere who doesn’t debate about what the inside temperature should be? This morning it was around 67 degrees in our house. 67. I won’t say who had the thermostat down that far but I do know that it didn’t last.
Getting on the same page with the thermostat will be a dilemma for marriage counselors to continue to solve for years to come. But when it comes to the bedroom, this is an area where you both need to be on the same page. Temperature matters. Does she prefer to be under the covers? Does he prefer to be on top of the covers? Does she want to start out clothed and slowly shred various articles of clothing one by one as she warms up to his sexual advances? Does he just want to walk around naked without a care in the world? (Note to men: God made the female body sexier than a male. She’s about as interested in your naked strut as you are in her being fully clothed. Sorry to break this to you, but it’s true.)
Anyway, when it comes to turning up the heat, you both need to be on the same page as often as possible.
Men: Find out how she likes to physically and emotionally prepare for sex, and make it happen. If she wants the room to be warm, then turn on a small heater 15-20 minutes prior. If she wants to be under the covers, then dive under the covers. In the end, you’re going to get what you want either way. So work to make the experience as good for her as possible. Once she has that experience, she’ll be much more open to any suggestion you’d like to present as well. And remember, if she ever says, “I would prefer it if you would…” she’s not saying she doesn’t enjoy sex with you! She’s saying she enjoys it, and wants to make it that much more memorable. Listen to her without judgment, and please her in the ways she see’s fit.
Women: It’s vital that you communicate your bedroom preferences to your husband as often as possible. He needs to know exactly what buttons to push and when to push them to get you mentally turned from daily routines to bedroom play. Be sure to communicate clearly, not judgmentally. Ensure he knows you enjoy sex with him and you just want it to be even better. If you have specifics for room temperature, clothing, bed covers, scents, clutter or anything else you can think of, then discuss it until you both come to an agreement. Chances are, he’ll be happy to pick up the dirty clothes on the floor if it means you’ll be more likely to sexually engage.
Do you have another suggestion for bedroom preparation? Feel free to let us know in the comments below.