When discussing the subject of sex drives, the number one question that always comes up is, “How can I increase my sex drive, or the sex drive of my spouse?” Well, here’s the secret of the ages: the number one way to increase your libido is to have sex more often. Amazing, huh? You see, great sex has a mysterious and powerful way of making you come back for more. Sure, some may try to make it all scientific by explaining the hormones and how the brain’s pleasure centers work. While this kind of information is quite fascinating and true, more than anything it just points to the creative genius of the One who created us. The very God that created our hearts to beat, our lungs to breathe and our eyes to see created our bodies to join together and experience something amazing.
If you don’t know how to jump start your libido, just jump in bed. There are no rules anywhere indicating you have to be in the mood to have sex. Just give it a go and your body will warm up. The more often you choose to be together, the more often you will want to be together. This may not be a very romantic or even popular idea but it is one that often works.
We know that this piece of advice may seem trite or impossible to some of you. Sex requires two willing partners and for some of you we know that your spouse is not necessarily willing. Whether or not your marriage and sex life is where you want it to be, we encourage you to do the following:
1. Think about your own personal sex drive. Answer the questions we brought up in part 2 of the series. Don’t settle for thinking, “This is just the way it is” or “This is just the way I am”. The bonds of marriage are the God given boundaries to experience desire, satisfaction and pleasure. Having a satisfying sex life in your marriage is possible, but it all starts in the mind.
2. Consider the saboteurs that are trying to sink their claws into your sex life. If physical factors are a big problem, find a physician who you can talk openly with about your needs in this area. Don’t let embarrassment or shame keep you from finding freedom. If there are relational, emotional or marital factors causing serious problems, talk to your spouse and if necessary, seek the help of a professional counselor. Marriage should be your top priority and is worth the effort it takes to make it great.
3. Pray specifically about your sex life. Now, I (Megan) know that this is where I will lose most of you but hear me out. From day 1 of our marriage I have always prayed about our sex life. It is so easy to separate the holy from the secular in life and oftentimes it is hard to know where to categorize sex. Let me tell you, it is spiritual. God created us and He created sex, so I’d say it’s very spiritual. It may feel awkward for you to pray about your sex life but it is not awkward for God to hear. He already knows what is going on and is just looking for an invitation to be invited into this area of your life.