While sex is an exhilarating experience for the majority of married couples, we occasionally receive questions about sex being painful. Below are three ways in which sex may cause physical pain as well as a few suggestions on how to handle any discomfort your physical or emotional being may throw your way.
1)Pain directly around or near your sexual organs: This is generally more common among women than among men. The vagina may be able to handle a sexual experience for a few minutes at a time, but when working to achieve orgasm the continual act of physical penetration may cause pain in some women. One of the best ways to combat this is to really take the opportunity to do some kegel exercises. In fact, even if you don’t experience pain during intercourse, kegel exercises will in time make the sexual experience even better. And remember, practicing these exercises is also one way to help you mentally prepare for intercourse with your spouse.
2) Physical Pain away from sexual organs: This is common in either men or women. Whether it be a bad back, broken arm, or a real chronic physical condition, pain is something that can and hinder the sexual experience. What can you do if you personally have chronic pain?
While it’s true that most couples have their favorite 2 or 3 sexual positions that are their “go to’s”, there is a great deal of experimenting that can be done here. There are a number of simple books (or even apps) that may assist your spouse in determining how to best please you while you’re in pain. If you can find a comfortable position on the bed, couch, recliner…or even standing, your spouse can probably find a way to please you, and you’ll enjoy discovering you’re still able to please them as well.
We only have one recommendation when it comes to the subject of books/apps that provide suggestions for sexual positions: Use ones that do not contain images of real people. There are quality books/apps to help in this regard with tasteful sketches of the human figure that won’t leave you lusting over another person. (We’ll be sure to write more about this in a future post).
3) Physical or emotional pain that leads to no mental desire for the sexual experience: Every once in a while we’ll hear about a physical condition that is quite serious. Sometimes it’s not so much physical pain, but mental anguish caused by a past experience (whether it’s sexual abuse, nagging memories of a college fling, or some other past sexual experience). Oftentimes these situations are bothersome to one spouse and not the other, but the problem is hindering both parties within the marriage.
Our recommendation – get counseling. The sexual experience between a husband and wife is something quite beautiful…it’s something to be cherished. If you’re physically or emotionally struggling with something so much that you don’t even have the desire to be with your spouse, you need to work through your anguish with some professional help. Many times, medication isn’t necessary. It’s the mental desire to connect with the one person who desires to be with you more than anybody else.
Pain is not part of the original design/purpose of the sexual experience. Work through your pain with your spouse and make the best of the sexual experience. Whether practicing your kegel exercises, finding a new position, or getting professional counsel, your spouse will love you all the more when they recognize you’re willing to do whatever it takes to please them. And in return, they’ll be ready to please you as well.
Have another exercise or course of action you take when pain gets in the way of sexual intimacy? Feel free to let us know in the comments below.