Sex is…Boring? Sadly, we know from talking with other married couples that these words are sometimes pared together. It is, however, our strong opinion that “sex” and “boring” should never be used in the same book, let alone the same sentence! Terms such as “exhilarating”, “fun” or perhaps even “tidal wave of emotional ecstasy” are more akin to what the sexual experience was designed for. There are so many physical, emotional, mental and spiritual benefits to sex that it is worth the effort to make it an invigorating experience.
How can you recapture or reignite the flames of passion in your marriage and sex life?
First, communicate well with each other. When you are not communicating well with each other (or about each other) your marriage will suffer. Sex cannot consistently remain fulfilling when there are emotional and relational problems in your marriage. You may be able to separate the issues for a time, but in the end, your sex life may suffer due to other problems within your marriage.
Secondly, anticipation is key. If you are looking to add some excitement to your sex life — build anticipation. Remember when you were dating and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? The biggest reason is that you were anticipating the time together and expected it to be fulfilling. We have talked in other posts about making time to plan for sex because we really believe that is important. However if you plan it without building anticipation you may view sex as a chore and something you “should” do rather than something you can’t wait for. Build anticipation for hot and steamy sex by adding something new to your repertoire (for ideas check out our posts on the 5 Senses). Consider having an extended make out session or maybe consider a new position.
Third, please understand that there is nothing wrong with taking time through the day to emotionally dwell on what’s going to happen behind closed doors after dark. Do whatever you can to mentally prepare for [not just] sex…but knock-down drag-out bite your lip / concerned you’re going to wake the kids sex. If you take 5, 10, or 15 minutes to imagine what your spouse could do to you that would leave you gasping for air (and then encourage them to do it), your body, and theirs, will fall in line.
Finally, we would encourage you to understand your body. Orgasm is a huge deal when it comes to passionate and satisfying sex. We have found that if people do not understand their bodies and do not find orgasm easily achieved or satisfying then sex can often seem boring. If orgasm doesn’t come easily for you, keep working at it. And when you do climax (perhaps multiple times), you will discover that giving and receiving orgasmic sex with your spouse will leave you craving what only they can provide. Which leads you right back to mentally preparing for the next round.
These are just a few things to consider when thinking about how your love life can go from boring to passionate. How about you? What do you do to keep your sex life from playing second fiddle to your favorite TV show? We would love to hear from you!