Sex After Kids: Practical Advice for Women

Today we will continue with our ideas about how to keep sex a priority after kids enter our lives.

Women:  As a wife and mother I (Megan) have a rather constant preoccupation towards the needs of my family; feeding them, clothing them, who needs to be where and when, emotional and spiritual development, etc.  Life is busy and often leaves me completely exhausted.  When the end of the day comes I am looking for a break, a time to relax, rest, unplug and dare I say sleep!  It is very easy for sex to be the last thing on my mind.  So….I have to think about it throughout the day.

I have talked to many women who believe that women don’t or shouldn’t  have much of a sex drive or that thinking about sex is what “other” women do.  Let me tell you, good girls can have crazy great sex.  I know that when I engage my mind, emotions and body into my physical relationship with Justin we both benefit. {grins}  It is a choice for me to bring something to the bedroom or not.  I made a decision early on in marriage and after having kids I would choose to bring something to the bedroom.

So how does this look for me?  I think about how great it feels to be wrapped in his arms, how great the moments of touch and warmth feel.  I tell him what feels good and what does not.  I ask for help when I feel overwhelmed with household tasks.  I consider if there are emotional roadblocks in our marriage or other relationships that are making it difficult for me to release myself to the moment of love making.  I prepare myself physically by pampering myself or by exercising my kegels.  (If you don’t do these exercises do yourself a favor and start. Now!)  Ladies, if we leave it entirely to our spouse to “get us in the mood” we are shortchanging ourselves and possibly cheating them out of a fantastic lover.

I believe that one of the reasons I am at complete peace and experience such great freedom in the sexual relationship in my marriage is because I have solid beliefs about the purposes for sex and enjoy the pleasures of a strong and trustworthy marriage.  We are far from perfect but the quickest way to lose interest in the bedroom is when our communication in other areas of life and marriage is off kilter.  Communication in all areas of our marriage is essential to having a good intimate relationship.  When I am not open and honest with Justin about the things that are going on in my personal life or the issues in our marriage I am less likely to be responsive in the bedroom.  Emotional intimacy is a key to great physical intimacy.

I will leave you with one final thought, one I am sure we will revisit another time: The more you have sex the more you want sex.  If you make time for sex in the busyness of raising children and living  life you may just find you become less busy so that you can enjoy sex more often.  Just saying!

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Do you have any additional tips you’d like to share?  Feel free to let us know in the comments below.

3 thoughts on “Sex After Kids: Practical Advice for Women

  1. In another article, you asked for questions for future posts. I think that I am the one craving intimacy more than my husband. I can’t help but take it personally when he does not seem interested when I have “tested the water” a few days in a row. The other day i asked him why he does not want to have sex with me and he said that it is because i do not come to bed early enough. End of story. My husband works long hours and falls asleep before I can get all of the children to bed. Sometimes I even think that he sabotages the possibility of intimacy by making it harder for me to get them to sleep (i.e. giving them pop, etc.) When we were first married, he told me that if I ever became fat, he would not find me attractive (obesity runs in my family). I have put on about 20 extra pounds over time and numerous pregnancies so I have been paranoid that I have crossed that line into “gross” for him, though he denies that I am anywhere close to it. We have always had these conversations, though we have a fairly healthy sexual relationship.

  2. Hi Anonymous:

    We wanted to let you know that we did receive your comment and we’ll be sure to cover the questions asked in a future post. Thanks so much for actively participating here on the blog!

  3. I think many ppl wait till the end of the day to engage sexually, but first thing in the morning is a great way to start your day. Exhausted sex is awesome but wake up sex is incredible as well. Many ppl say I’m too tired, well then do it before starting your day, make some changes, middle of the day or night. Excuses I find lead to a lot of dissatisfaction, seperation and arguments. Just as our lives change we should also adapt our sexual lifestyle.

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